Second day at school..

and im allready fed up of it. this really sucks.

Sister..

She drives me insane but I love her :)

The day before..

Bought myself a cameraaa for me bday! :G
I'm thrilled!
cannot wait for tomorrow.. :))

Yesterday was like a gasp of needed air.

i'm happy.

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." -Marcus Aurelius

Doing some Keats..

Tragedy is love of life.
tragedy not only accepts death but it also knows that it's death which is the thing which makes us overcome ourselves. If death does not exist, we won't appreciate anything in life.
though life is full of misery.. etc, these ingredients are necessarily because without them we would remain children all our life.


In some way or another Keats does fascinate me.

Needs.

Pumps. ( Black and also white.)
Brown boots.
Black leather boots.
black leather jacket.
more shirts for winter.
white bag, BIG one.
few cardigans.
new desk.
laptop.
new purple digital camera.

and where's the money? argh

things I know about me.

• I love listening to soundtracks. You know, songs without lyrics.
• I have a fear of cars, as in being in a car accident. Got this feeling that this is how I die, who knows aye?
• I love pianos, they give me this sensation I can't explain.
• I fiddle, babble and I hate it.
• I can probably go a day or two without eating anything at all.
• I have a very very fast metabolism. I eat and I eat and I stay skinny.
• I over analyse everything.
• I think way far into the future.
• and sometimes what I think comes true. literally.
• I had a vision once and it's probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
• I love my mother to death but my dad's a total different story.
  
• I vomit pretty easily. I vomit when I do exercise, cough, laugh or finds myself in a closed room or something. Im pretty sensitive.
• Im scared that Ill end up like my dad and that's something I seriously dont want to happen.
• right now I may call myself a shopaholic, I cant go in a shop and not buy something. maybe this is some kind of revenge for not going to London afterall.
  
• I keep my heart guarded, I dont trust anyone, not even myself sometimes and that's a problem.
• Thats why I keep blogs and online journals, I find myself comforted by the thought of speaking about my problems to people who don't know me rather than to those that do know me.
• I don't have patience and I do have mood swings which im trying to control.
• Im obsessed about History, mostly the victorian era and such.
• and I don't like blonde, too funny, sensitive, shy and bossy men.
  
• oh and I love love loveee reading books :)
  

Shopping do wonders.

Just bought myself a pair of jeans and a shirt. Now I feel happy.
You know what I think my main problem is here? I don't really know what I want and Im still trying to figure that out.
Im turning 19 next saturday for god's sake, I need to grow up.

But I do feel rather guilty after spending a lil over 100 euros this morning but what the heck :)

life is not so great afterall

My life is in chaos right now.
Is it me whom's at wrong here? Why can't people get what I'm going through at the moment? how can you guys be so fucking selfish and self centred. Im fed up of hearing all about your tiny lil bitty problems when Im going through so much shit right now!
I swear Im going to do something I will certainly regret later on.
The fucking boss doesnt appreciate what I do and she expects me to do EVERYTHING. what exactly does she think I am? a fucking God????!!!
and dear friends, I know im not going out as much as id used to, but give me a fucking breeeaaaak! Im working my ass of and trying to save some fucking money and its not my fault if the customers don't leave before 1am! and its not my fault either if Im tired after a night at work!
you guys expect tooooo much from me and I swear I am going to explodeeee!
and dearest father im fed up of hearing your complaints, youre a 43 year old man, live up to your responsabilities like my mom does you fucking kid.

okay finished. now im feeling so much better.

Gossip Girl.

The best american drama series after OC. I love their outstanding way of living and their amazing fashion style. Furthermore, Ed westwick surprises us all by being this dashing rogue wearing those amazing, colourful and unique suits :G

Another?

Loving this tattoo. so either Sienna miller's or this one. hmm

So i've developed an obsession for Balmain.

Aren't these outfits just beautiful AND wearable. looking at catwalk outfits is fun but often it's just too flouncy, nakey or bizarre for mere mortals to wear. but these three outfits from the balmain aw 09-10 are so deliciously gorgeous....yeh so i intend to round of the shoulders but i'm definitely feeling the black cropped trousers, fitted leather jacket and loose white t.

Geek chic Glasses.

I find these Glasses quite trendy, wish they suited me.

This does match with my feelings.

Dearest friend,

I know our relationship has been difficult and we haven't really spoken in a long time, but it's recently become clear that we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few months. The issues we've faced in the past are going to resurface and we really, really need to work this out now before it's too late.

I'll admit I've said some terrible things about you in the past. I apologize. You think me unintelligent for not understanding you, even after years of trying. That's not true. You're difficult, you know? I know I've given up on you in the past and even broke your trust by cheating, but never again. I'm not going to give up on you this time. I'm determined to understand. I'm determined to keep trying.

That said, I hope things are easier this time around. I hope everything sinks in easier. I promise to keep trying despite how difficult you are. And you really are. Don't deny it and I'll try to keep my "hate" claims under wraps this semester.

Biology, I do want to be your friend. Really. Just help me understand you. Please.

Pissed.

Not going to London next January. oh well should buy those clothes I want then.

what a look!

Found this on another blog.

I love everything about this outfit!!

There are soo sooo many things I want to buy but I can't cos I have to save the money for London :( This is so darn hard.

Motorphobia?

Cars terrify me. Like literally.
I can't stand still while im inside a car.I panic and starts getting this weird sensation that I'm about to have a car accident. This is getting out of hand, I was never like this.

Oh my Goodness!

This would make such a good outfit! I.want.these.now!

Weddings.

Weddings are supposed to be a nice ceremony where you meet and converse with your family, but I hate weddings.
Im not close with none of my relatives except for one or two aunts and a few cousins whom are near my age.
To top it all off,Today I just found out that next march, my cousin is having a wedding and asked me to read for a half an hour or so at the ceremony.. oh, and next september I will be a bridesmaid as well for another cousin's wedding.
I hate being in the centre of attention aspecially where family is concerned!
Fuck. I can't get myself out of this mess.

Busy week.

Monday - Wake up early, go to Rabat and change my ID card to 18 +. later on book our flights for January before it's too late.
Tuesday- Wake up early and go to this place ( don't know where yet ) and update my passport.
Wednesday - Wake up early and go to arka respite centre. later, if it's sunny, spend some quality time at the beach with some friends.
Thursday - Wake up early and go to the History extra lesson.
Friday- same as thursday and then later on in the night go to pv, before school starts :)
Saturday - working my ass off.
Sunday - working my ass off.

Something different.

Two years ago I made a promise to myself;
NO MORE JACK COKE!
But unfortunatley I couldn't stick to it. There was only Jack available yesterday and I had to have a dose of alcohol. But it was a great night out, I needed it.

To do list.

Revise some History.
Go in Search for envirenment, marketing and english private lessons.
Save enough money for England.
Stop buying shitty stuff.
Watch Gossip Girl, season 2.
New cut, again.
Go see a doctor for these terrible period cramps im having every fucking month.
Spend a night out in paceville with some of my mates before summer ends.
Read/ watch The time traveller's wife.
Buy another book by Lesley pearse. ( from tips)
Buy some art for my room. ( from mother)
Buy a new cool purple digital camera. ( from mother)
Visit some agencies to check the cost for the flight and accomodation.

Horizon

as far as i go
as fast as i saunter

it's always the same distance away.
I want it so bad,
but it's so out of reach-
such an illusion.

such a tease.

this statement doesnt make it acceptable.not at all.

On Larry King Live, Chris Brown said about his relationship with Rihanna: "We're both young, nobody taught us how to love one another. No one taught us a book on how to control our emotions, our anger."

Excuse me? This quote just doesn't settle right with me. I guess it's because I've read a lot of stories where love is always displayed, or watched movies with happy love endings, or listened to a lot of songs that described love, or even observed my parents and figured how I would love. Becoming angry enough to beat the shit out of your significant other because you couldn't "handle" your emotions? Do you expect someone to be holding your hand while you "learn to love" someone? My God! If Chris Brown gets away with this comment, now all other partners who have committed domestic violence can just say they never learned to love and get their second chance.

looking forward for some things.

im excited for christmas and its not bcos it christmas time, fuck that. Im excited bcos I am going to London. I cant believe this, its been just a dream for so long and I cant believe two of my friend are seriously considering of coming with me :) Hopefully i will save enough money to spend for the sight seeing and stuff in London. yay for me.
Im also excited for my bday. For once, it will be on a saturday and fortunatley for me this year school starts after my birthday. :) my plans should work.
Bought 2 dresses and that's enough shopping for now. the next shopping spree will be in London. :G