Pumpkins; gone.

One of my ginny pigs died this afternoon.
I sat there on the floor hopelessly watching it get closer to it's inevitable end.
.. breathing heavily and it's eyes glazed..

I could not find the exact words to stop my little sister from crying.
and yes, I did cry as well.

Not just because I felt so attached to Pumkins but because life is fragile and the world we live in utterly corrupted.

I should be more careful with my words the next time I lash out at someone.

Watch and love ;

so no more of this silliness, this trying to work hard to change but not doing it coz it makes you sad. nope.
a lot of studying, beauty treatments, a little dancing, reading and cooking, and having 3 low calorie but high in nutritional value meals a day.
life life life.

Autumn :)

It's been two full days since I last logged on a computer.
wow..
Been so busy lately..
school, private lessons, appointments, and neverending essays...
But im okay today. :)
I feel fresh and excited for the upcoming days..
and I absolutely adore this weather. It makes you think of happier times, brings back a flood of good memories :) and I have this motivation to study and do some essays.. I shall go now.

I need to love myself before I can ever love you...

Things are just not what they seem.
I feel lost.

I miss my old ways..

Must see movies :

Time travellers wife.
Lost in Austen.
The edge of love.
New moon.


Must read books :

Time travellers wife.
Lesley Pearse - Ellie.

Pumpkins and Pancakes.

Just found out that Im allergic to my ginny pigs :C

Searching for some new music to put in my mp3 but to no avail.
What I have is old music. like..
The piano - Michael Nyman.
Yes, I still listen to it over and over and over again.

When I grow up...

Loving this housestyle.

Love her!

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gunna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about."
-Marilyn Monroe

I've been detoxifying, getting rid of negativity is a constant struggle for me with so much of it around threatening to choke me.

too much.

I have never been this afraid in my life.
I allready feel like a failure even though I haven't started yet.
These thoughts are killing me bit by bit, literally!
I want reassurance.
and I need to learn how to trust :c

someone is screaming outside my window, not a scared scream, or a help scream, to me it sounds like a scream of being happy. a scream of relief, a scream i long to have. a scream that seems so close. Screaming is so easy, we have the option to do so, with no restrictions, so why don't we?
something about that scream outside my window brings a flood of emotions, of memories, of life, of happy, and of devastation. despite that, i'd still love to be the one screaming outside the window, at any given time.

The need to break free from everything strengthens, and i want to so bad. not from my relationships, but from my own mind, just take a break for a second, for a scream or two. i miss things, a lot of feelings, and a lot of things.

Im not going to make it.
im not going to make it.
im nooot.
This is too hard :/